Use “Force” to Lift Plastic Ball, Choke Dignity

Fall 2009 will see the release of Uncle Milton Industries’ The Force Trainer, a toy that uses a headset to direct brainwaves to (seemingly) levitate a plastic ball within a clear sphere a la Luke Skywalker. Yes, brainwaves.


Though brainwaves aren’t actually the Force, they are a force (or so I insist as I use them to make my fingers assemble information on a keyboard), which makes it, you know, pretty cool. But The Force Trainer isn’t the only brainwave-powered toy slated for release this fall. Mattel is answering Uncle Milton Industries with Mind Flex, a toy that drops the Star Wars theme and replaces the boring cylinder with an obstacle course. Yes, a full-on obstacle course.

I, of course, will be buying both, which I will play simultaneously while wearing a flight suit on Dagoba (i.e. the boiler room of my apartment building).
But, something approaching commonsense or “adult sensibility” is kicking in like a governor on a Hyundai, cueing an overwrought rant:

Toys, unlike wisdom, are wasted on the young. Sure, adulthood should be the culmination of a successful transition from a carefree, irresponsible world of summers without jobs, endless syndicated television and the begrudging acceptance of responsibility, legal accountability and, gulp, personal solvency, during which one tempers their consumption of syndicated television. But, do we really have to give up our toys in the process? I mean, couldn’t 40 Year Old Virgin be read as a smart investment strategy, granted you eventually marry an accomplished ebay-ist?

No? Well, fine! Be that way!

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